00:00 You’re listening to the live happier, longer podcast, episode 14.
00:14 Welcome to the live happier, longer podcast. We’re your hosts, molly watts and Angela McDade We are here to help you build the habits of the happier, longer life. Starting. Now.
01:13 Hey, before we jump into this episode, we want to take a moment to talk to you about the five for life planner. You know it’s really more of a journal or even a diary. Well, you know, we called it the five for life planner. That is true. There’s not much we can do about that now, but I think it’s still more of a journal. It’s 13 weeks. It’s undated, you can start anytime. Ah yes, that’s true. It’s not your typical dated calendar type planner, but it’s a really good tool for building the habits of a happier, longer life. That’s a good word for it. It’s a tool is perfect for tracking all of those five daily actions. Yeah. There’s a place to write things down for all five. Move, learn, share, give and let go. So when you say write things down sounds more like a journal! Next time we’ll call it the five for live journal, but for now let’s just tell people where they can buy one. Right, go to www.shop.fiveforlife.co, that’s www.shop.fiveforlife.co And enter Promo Code podcast at checkout for a special discount. Hey, they’re a great gift for your parents or your grandparents and if it helps, just tell them it’s a journal. Really go to www.shop.fivefor life.co to get your planner/journal today.
01:47 Hey Angela. Hey, how are ya? Hi, I’m grand. How are you? I’m very well, thank you. It is a beautiful November morning. It is indeed and I’m super excited. We’re recording again, just the two of us and I’m really interested and enthusiastic about this topic today. We are going to be discussing a book called “Girl Wash your face” by Rachel Hollis and we discovered Rachel. I mean I think I’ve been aware of her this year, but I found a quote that I wanted to use of hers recently, a motivational quote and it kind of sparked an interest in this book and so you and I both read it.
02:26 Yep. And we wanted to kind of distill some of the information and educate our audience a little bit more on Rachel. She is 35, really a self made woman and a self made business that’s very, very successful now. She has a high school level education. She had an event planning business in Los Angeles and she’s grown this, a blog that has really turned into a media company and she’s really now probably best known not only as an author and a podcast host. Yeah. But as a motivational speaker, she has been likened to a being the female Tony Robbins, Tony Robbins for women. Yeah. Yeah. So she’s kind of a big deal. Yeah, she’s really a big deal. Not big like Tony Robbins because that man’s huge. He is giant. He Is giant. She’s not, she’s a petite woman, but she is powerful in her own rights and very well perceived by many in terms of her motivational content. So I’m excited to discuss girl wash your face.
03:32 Okay. So her book is made up of 20 chapters. Yeah. And that’s an interesting format. And each of the chapter, the title of the chapter is a lie that we tell ourselves and that she told herself that actually that’s exactly what it is. It’s a lie she tells herself a very.. Autobiography. Yeah, yeah. Sort of. Yeah. Tells her story as she is. And just stuff that she struggled with through our life. And you know, there were many. She’s, you know, is as successful as she is. It was, you know, it was quite a journey to get where she is. So each chapter she has this lie that she told herself, she then can, he goes on to talk about it and then at the end she says things that helped her.
04:19 So we, we kinna pulled some little nuggets from that, that applies to five for life. And so that’s kind of how we’re going to go today. And I think that the lies she, you know, her, her theory was that the lies that she’s told herself and that she’s overcome are lies that are, you know, if you want to say it as a lie, right. It’s more just the things that we.. Self Talk. Yeah. The negative self talk that you might hear in your own head and um, it definitely applies to women all over. So kind of the first overarching umbrella that we wanted to talk about and in from various chapters. Uh, and there’s three chapters I think that we’re going to talk about really had to do with goal setting and reaching goals. And of course it’s super important to us at five for life because really all of what we talk about is creating new habits, which is a form of goal setting, right? So our goal is to live a happier longer life yet and to create the habits of a happier, longer life and it all requires action. So that’s, that’s a part of it. Yeah. That’s where it ties in with us. Yeah.
05:26 Her second chapter. Yeah. And it was titled, I’ll start tomorrow. Yeah. So I think that all of us, I know myself and I was glad to see her, how authentic she was about that and that, you know, even somebody that’s successful as she is, she had that habit in her life for many years and she really had to stop it. You know, and now she’s like, she just doesn’t, she doesn’t allow herself and what are the big things that she said and I really appreciate it. This was, if I make a promise to myself, I’m going to keep it. I’m going to keep it first.
06:02 Yeah. Because she gave a little insight as to where this came from and it was, you know, if you make a commitment to your friend, you’re going to go somewhere, do something, help them out with something you’re for sure, you’re going to do it right. But she said, what would you think of your friend who you make all these plans and then they would see him staying at home. I’m just going to watch game of thrones? Or if they did that to you time and time again and again, you like, you would be so mad. But the point she was making as if you do this to yourself, you are that friend. So it’s really important that you keep your own promises to yourself. Yeah. If you’ve had a history of not keeping your habits, you know, not keeping their promises to yourself. One of the strategies she said is that, you know, start with something small and don’t try to change every pattern that you’ve had in terms of not keeping that, but create a new pattern of keeping those promises.
07:06 Be honest with yourself and if you think you can commit to something, then do. If you’re not sure, then don’t make the commitment. Right? Yeah. And in every day and we’ve talked to, I mean like Lisa king with tiny life changes. I mean she was like only one change a day. Yeah. One small, tiny, tiny right. And it makes an impact on your life. And we talk about, you know, we talk about these five daily actions that I’m sure you know, it can be overwhelming to think, okay, I’ve got to do five things that, you know, figure out a piece of that and be successful there and then add on another layer and be successful there. And it’s continually building those habits.
07:44 Yeah. And the next, in this same kinna goal setting thing is, chapter 10 and it was, I should be further along than this. Yeah. And it was an interesting story. I thought it was kind of a sad story really. Yeah. It was about a group of women that she had got together and they were talking about birthdays and a lot of them are just really not happy about the next birthday. Like they didn’t want to celebrate, you know, we are all about celebrating the birthdays. Yes we are. We just celebrated mine and I dragged you outside in the cold and you, you. It was very cool. It was. But it was fun, wasn’t it? It was a good night. Yeah. Yeah. So, but the point being was these women were all, um, they had these expectations that by the time they got to certain ages they would have achieved this, this, this and this. And that was, that was a hard time for them because they felt that they hadn’t got to that place and so therefore another birthday coming alone was almost like a reminder of not being where they want to be. And that’s, you know, one of the quotes from her on this was, “As long as you are working towards the things you hope to accomplish, it shouldn’t matter If it takes a month or a decade.” Yeah. And really, again, another part was it’s “Friends. It’s not about the goal or the dream you have, it’s about the who you become on your way to that goal.” Yeah. It’s like that, that other cool. One of my favorites. Um, “life is not a destination. It’s a journey.” Yeah. Right. And it’s all about the process of setting those goals and continuing to work towards them. And that’s really it. You shouldn’t be in within the book a lot. She talks about, you know, quit beating yourself up. This isn’t, you know. And she really does come from a place of positivity.
09:37 Yeah. Which I certainly appreciate. You know, you don’t have to be a woo woo type person and because we talk about that, you know, I start, we both struggle. We’re not, we don’t feel particularly woo woo people. Right. But I really want to come always from a position of positivity and optimism. You know, it’s important. But one of the things that she said that helped her was surrounding yourself with people who whenever you feeling like you’re good friends are the ones who will say, no, really look at where you are. You have achieved a lot. And that was, that was one of the things that helped her is being surrounded by all these good people. Really? Yeah. Positive messages. It’s funny. There’s, I’m going to say a little personal story here. One of our friends who wasn’t able to be there on my birthday night, who I really respect because she’s very hard working Mom, she has a busy career and she texted me and just said, I just want you to know I’m sorry that I can’t be there and I just want you to know that you really inspire me. And I was like, wow. I mean honestly it was really sweet of her to do it, but I, you know, coming from her who is a very inspiring person. Accomplished person. Exactly. And so I, it, it’s one of those things where you know, you’re like, oh wow, okay. Yeah. That means that means a lot. Yeah. When your friends and we have pretty honest friends, we do. We have pretty honest with each other. Yes. We Discusses A. Yeah, we are. We are not woo woo. No, we are not woo woo. We have to struggle like I do. I have to struggle against the, the pragmatic side. And I know for you coming from Scotland and the, we’ve just discussed this UK generally demeanor of being very pragmatic and very pessimistic. There’s no good job, johnny, when it wasn’t really a good job!.
11:36 So anyway. Um, so then the third chapter that has that same goal, setting thing. I love this one is great. Her, the, the lie she told herself was “I’m going to marry Matt Damon.” That’s not a, a bad goal. He’d now married and has like 10 children, but that’s beside the point. Um, but the point was this to her was, this actually propelled her for, for the first couple of years that she was in Los Angeles. She actually became an intern at Miramax because they had, because that. So obviously if we’re going to meet and fall in love. Because that’s who had produced Good Will hunting. And she was really like obsessed with him. Yeah. But her point was that this dream as lavish as it was and as unrealistic as it was, and it was a lie, it did help propel her to where she ended up. Where she got.
12:34 Yeah. And so that’s not necessarily even having these, this creative kind of like really vivid dream, right, is not necessarily something that is a negative. She even says she uses it in terms of like when she’s training a long distance running, she’ll like, have these very vivid details about where she sees herself. Like she’s, she’s going to go to Lake Como and be included in a very small group at George Clooney’s. Like, you know, I mean, yeah, we’ll see it there. I mean, but it’s, it’s, uh, that, uh, it was a great. I loved that chapter. I thought it was really fun. Yeah. And again, her take away from that was to write things down, which of course we, we are all about the writing down stuff and writing things down in that kind of vivid, detailed. Even if the, the dream seems pie in the sky or it opens you up to possibility when you allow yourself to dream and you don’t. Think big. Yeah. Think big. Right. Exactly. It is very. Yeah, I love that. Yeah.
13:44 So that was. So that was those three chapters, were all to do with goal setting and reaching your goal. And again, back to for five for life, we are all about doing things that are going to help live a happier, longer life and that involves actions and doing and so yeah. Okay. And I just have to do what. We’ll close out the goal setting chapters on one of these, this quote, which I really loved too and was important part of this whole thing was “Work just as hard for fun moments, Vacation Moments, and pee your pants, laughing moments as you do for all the other things.” So it all counts, right? And for us in terms of creating a happier, longer life, you know, all the, all the good stuff. That’s the important stuff in life, right? That’s stuff that makes you happy. So yeah. So that was the, that was the same, so we loved all of that stuff.
14:42 The next and little batch of things that we’re going to talk about are roadblocks to happiness, stuff that just kinda get in your way. So they first chapter of the book, which I was appreciative of the fact that it was the first chapter because I think it’s just something that all of us are guilty of. Yeah. The lie is something else will make me happy. Yeah. And this is something that I, that’s the reason that daily action number four is give. A long time ago. I remember when Oprah first launched or recognized, um, the gratitude journal or whatever, you know, like we’re talking years ago now, right? When she first, or at least that I’ve very became aware of kind of that whole notion and a oprah’s quote was,” if you’re grateful for what you have, you will always have more than you need. If you’re always looking for something else, you will never have enough.” And that concept of being happy right where you are. Yeah. Every day is so important because. And it’s not always easy. No, especially if if you’re going through a hard time, is Rachel, like the way she says it actually she says it, is it this season of your life? She says yes. If you’re going through a hard season, it’s just, it’s just a nice way to put it, but it’s sometimes when you’re going through a rough time, wherever that may be. Finding the good is is not always easy. It’s sometimes too, it’s really hard to look past it, but if you can glean that good stuff and just have that feeling of gratitude is really helpful. It helps you move, not move past the hard stuff, but it it, it takes the, puts you in a better mindset. Right.
16:44 And that’s. It’s one of my favorite quotes from the book overall was “comparison is the death of joy and the only person you need to be better than is the one you were yesterday” and that’s one of the things that people have a tendency to allow themselves to do is to compare themselves and then be unhappy because you don’t think you stack up against whatever it is and the other and whoever. Yeah, exactly. I also really appreciated from her is, and this is her quote as well, is “the truth, you and only you are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.” Yeah. That’s the takeaway is so true. And especially when it comes to happiness. You know, if you’re continually looking for a better job or a better house or a better mate or a better friend or better anything. Greener grass right?
17:43 If you think that something else is really going to make you happy, you’re looking in the wrong place. You’ve got to be able to create your own sense of happiness and to be able to cultivate that on a daily basis. Really. And, and her at the end of the chapter, she says some of the things that helped me was that she did stop comparing yourself to other people, which is. I mean, that’s. And she can. I think this was this where she talked about like turning off your media, your social media, like creating, you know, basically, you know, if you can’t be happy looking at social media than don’t look, don’t look at it. I mean, there’s so many people are, you know, always complaining about, it’s like, don’t, don’t look at it then. Right if you don’t like it, don’t look at it. Right? So, and then of course surrounding herself with positive. That was, that was that, that’s kind of a thread through our book. It’s just that positivity. And that’s it. Okay. So I’m going to say this right now because one of the things that I, when you surround yourself with positivity, right? And positive messaging, one of the things that we started out very first with five for life in all of our social media posts was motivational quotes. It’s a big part of why, uh, the very first thing on everyday of the planner, every single day is a different motivational quote and super excited because you helped you or I should say you created a very wonderful download that we’re going to have in our show notes for this episode, which is two sheets of very beautiful images of all of these, of motivational quotes all from Rachel Hollis. And so I think you’re going to whoever’s listening, this going to be great.
19:32 You’re going to enjoy it and it’s super beautiful. Print it out on your color computer and you know, color printer and cut them out and slide them in a book you’re reading or I’ll put them up or in your wallet. I don’t know. Put it in your kids lunch box for sure. You. I mean these are, these are great and they’re going to look really good and surround yourself with positivity, right? Yeah, exactly.
19:55 And back to roadblocks to happiness in the next chapter. She speaks about his Chapter 17. Yes. And the title of chapter 17 is I am defined by my weight. Oh yeah. So I can of course speak to this one because my weight has eh. Rachel says she’s, she dealt with her or her chubby child and she just dealt with weight issues for all that. She’s tiny now, so it’s hard to imagine, but she is, she is now a marathon runner.
20:25 Right. I loved her messaging here because it was super important and I think for women of Midlife and for many of us, you know, especially like me, I’m having been through menopause already. It’s, it’s work. Yeah, yeah, you did. There’s definitely different challenges as you age and here’s what she said. “You need to be healthy. You don’t need to be thin, you don’t need to be a certain size or shape or look good in a bikini. You need to be able to run without feeling like you’re going to puke. You need to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. You need to drink half your body weight in ounces of water everyday and you need to stretch, get good sleep and stop medicating every ache and pain.” Yeah, it’s pretty down to earth, right? So it’s just. But the lie is that, you know, I can’t be happy until I get to a certain weight.
21:20 Yeah. And that’s just not. You’re not going to be happier just because you’re a size x. yeah. You know you are going to be happier if you’re healthier, if you’re taking better care of yourself. If you’re. That is one of the things that we, we have said it before, we do not focus on any sort of particular diet or all of that. It’s about being happy and healthy and that isn’t a size. No it isn’t a size it is, but it is self care, you know, and it is about. And, and you know, for some people that have medical conditions that warrant a specific diet, well by all means follow that diet. You know what I mean? I mean there’s not. If you’ve got blood pressure issues, then you should be following a low sodium diet just because that is. That’s a health thing, right?
22:16 That’s a health issue. Right? But most of us, all of us can benefit from doing whatever it is and being at a weight that is healthy. Yeah. Yep. That was a, that was a big takeaway and her thing was to set yourself up for success. If you want to get to lose weight or whatever, if you, if you have to lose weight and get yourself in a healthy, a much more healthy position, set yourself up by going to the gym. So set your calendar, pack your bag, prep your meals, all of that stuff is the preparation. That means that back to the whole chapter of being. Yes. Right. Making, putting things off, set yourself up so that you can actually go forward.
23:06 Yeah. So, and then the last chapter for this was chapter 15 and that was, “I will never get past this. We went backwards there 15, 17 a. This is, this is a big one. Yeah. This was chapter 15 was “I will never get past this.” Yeah. And this was a very um, I mean she had a lot that she had to get past. Uh, I believe she was 13. I think she was 14. Was she okay once you’re, her older brother who was, I think was he 16 or 16? Yeah. But he was only a few years older than she was. And um, he committed suicide and she was actually the person that found him. Yeah. So that just, I can’t even imagine. No, I mean, and so talk about trauma. Um, and it was already, she says a very challenging. It had been a challenging time for her parents in their marriage anyway. Um, and you could, I mean, I can’t even, you know, no one can really fathom that unless they’ve gone through it themselves or experienced that as a parent.
24:16 And so it would’ve been very easy for her to just. Curl up and dwell on it. To succumb to that and really, you know, that was something that was a huge factor for her as a, is a young woman. And I really have, first of all, I appreciate it the fact that she was very quick to say she had years of therapy and she’s, she’s very quick to say if you’ve got a big issue that you’ve been struggling with and you’re not taking care of it, if you’re not getting past it, get help. You know. And that was something that I appreciated. She also talked about, and this was something that I liked and you, uh, that we learned from Janet Birkey, who was one of our very first guests, she scheduled a time of day, literally scheduled something on her calendar that would be her time to think about the whole. To turn it over, because she had been spending. She said that every minute of every day it was just constantly going round in loops in her head. This terrible, awful, right. Yeah. All of it. I mean, whether it was the moments or the, you know, the why’s and the, you know, all of it. I mean in and I can understand that. I tend to be A. I replay. Yeah, the loops. Yeah. Yeah. So, but what she said was she was told to a ot of time of the day actually set an alarm and see this is when I’m going to really think about it, really dwell on it and by doing that it’s freed her mind up for the rest of the day, which meant that she, she let herself not think about it and it was a guilt free, Not thinking about it, because she felt guilty because she was constantly thinking about it. And then when she wasn’t thinking about it, she felt bad because she didn’t think about it.
26:15 So this, by setting herself this allotted time, it meant that she, she was guilt free for the rest of the day and she could, she could deal with it. Right. Which is also, I mean, in our daily action number five, let go. And in, in the planner itself, we have a, you know, a reflection time for letting go, but it’s the same kind of theory, right? Is really allotting time during the day to think, to make a point of letting it go. Yeah, exactly. And to really think about things that might be holding you back or issues that you’re having and allowing yourself to focus on them at that time so that you’re not spending the rest of your day doing it. Yeah.
26:57 So again, lots of little nuggets of advice from all of that. Her other one in within that, you know, I’ll never get past this and I think people do we want to hold on to negative it probably, you know what I mean, negative issues in our life. We want to like people like to make an excuse for, you know, where they are and look back at that negative time and really blame that. And one of the other parts that she talked about was sharing your problems and that a problem shared is a problem halved. Yeah. Yeah. That is so true because there’s nothing, there’s nothing worse than holding onto something and just not, not telling anybody about an. As soon as you tell somebody, there’s almost like a sigh of relief when you just, you unload that problem and we’re, we’re back to share. Yeah. That’s share, you know, let go. Both are just ways of moving past roadblocks to happiness and creating the best life that you can. We’re all about living happier longer. We can. Yeah. So there is so much more in these were. These were just things that we could pull and really it, it’s directly in the same.
28:21 Right. I mean I don’t even, there’s more in every chapter, there was just 20 chapters, a lot of good content in the, in the book and we just focused on goal setting and roadblocks to happiness because I think that’s most in line with what we talked about in five live. I think we both would recommend “Girl wash your face.” Yeah, for sure. Yeah. One of the things we didn’t talk about today or that I was really like trying to figure out why the title wash your face was like, is it a slang that I don’t get, but, and because she’s not really a slang kinda a girl, she’s pretty down to earth, you know, definitely a Christian background. And I realized that. No, I think literally it’s like wash your face when I personally really like that resonates with me because I am a, I wash my face every night. Face washer. I am! I love to wash my face. In fact, you know, oddly enough, my husband actually got me like a stack of pink washcloths for Christmas last year. To wash your face? Because I, I like, that’s one of the things like when I stayed at a hotel, I love the fact that they have like these all these nice brand new washcloths. So he got me though so I can make my own. But I do wash my face every night just with water. But it’s, it feels really good. Yeah. And when I’m upset, like if I’ve been crying or something again, wash your face. Yeah. And it’s, it’s sort of a relief and I think that her thing is like, wash your face and move ahead.
29:48 So anyways, that was a sidetrack, but we would both recommend. You’ll get something out of it. And we just covered a little. There’s, there’s lots of really good stuff and her stories are wow. Yeah. There’s some very, really tough, tough stories and some pretty laugh out loud stories too, especially if you’re a mom. Yeah, no, it’s all good stuff. Yeah, I think so. People can, can pull some good stuff, you know? Yeah. You should be able to pull. I learned something from every motivational speaker or self help person that I read or you know, I mean, I really truly do. And I love it because that’s part of learning and keeping growing. And again, that would, that we’re right back to daily and daily. Action number two, it helps you self help people are gonna help you live a happier, longer life. There’s no doubt about it. Yeah. So in our show notes, you will find a very cool download of motivational quotes for Ms Rachel Hollis. I think you’ll love having them. We know we really like, they resonate really well and having those nice things to put up or have on your. They’re so pretty. We’ll have one on your desk or have them in your, you know, on your mirror or whatever. They they help and it’s. And it’s nice to have and they’re nice to share too, so we’d encourage you, so we appreciate you listening. Yep. If you could and would go subscribe and leave a review, we would be ever grateful as it helps people find us. Yeah. And so with that we will say, see you next week.
31:33 Thanks for listening to the live happier, longer podcast. Now it’s time to move, learn, share, give and let go. Five daily actions to make the rest of your life the best of your life. See you next week.