00:00 You’re listening to the live happier, longer podcast, episode 55.

00:15 Welcome to the live happier, longer podcast. We’re your hosts, Molly Watts and Angela McDade. We are here to help you build the five habits of happier longer life and to create your habit mindset starting now.

00:30 Hey, Angela. Hey Molly. How are you today? Not too bad at all. You’re looking out the window. I can see you. Already! You’re about to update us on the weather. The weather report sponsored by the five for life planner. And what does it look like? Ah, it’s pretty foggy. It’s kinda been a bit foggy. Yeah. Every morning it’s gives us spectacular sunrises, but it kinda hangs out a little longer than maybe we’d like. But then, yesterday was so nice. Oh my goodness. Folks. I gotta tell you, I don’t know what’s happening here in Oregon in November, but I am loving it. I think mother nature’s feeling bad for August and September. Yeah, probably. Cause it was an, that was less than spectacular. So we are excited to be here this morning. It’s just the two of us back, uh, back at it again. Uh, w if you listened to last week, folks, we had a great conversation with John Leland and we really enjoyed that.

01:29 My voice is, you might be able to hear, if you listen to last week, you’ll note that my voice was not 100%. No. And we’re still at about like 85. I sound a little baritone. I’m not quite in my typical Alto range, so, um, but we’re here and, uh, very excited about what we are going to be talking about both this week and next week. It’s a cliff hanger two part podcast series here, um, to discuss our ultimate 30 day habit building system. Yeah. That we have, come up with, compiled, created and excited about because it’s, it’s effective and I think we can help people and we’ve got kind of an idea around that. For those of us that are new year’s resolution folks, there’s a fair amount of people who tend to, yeah. It’s just, it’s a mark in the sand where people can reset and yeah. Change things up that they’re not happy about. Right. And you know, either lose bad habits or gain new habits. Right?

02:43 And actually you’re, you’re taking me right into one of those things that, uh, is a part of our 30-day habit building system. And that’s just a lot of expert wisdom that we’ve gleaned from studying all these people. And Charles Duhigg actually says that you can’t actually break those habits that don’t serve you negative habits. You have to replace them with positive habits. So it’s a natural thing to do, especially at the new year. Traditionally people, you know, set resolutions for that reason and we’ve got a whole brand new decade ahead of us. I know. So I know. So it’s really kind of a, it’s a kind of a cool, a cool time. And really the reason that we wanted to put together this 30 day habit building system was that we wanted to provide a framework that really builds on all of this information that we’ve learned.

03:38 And on the fundamental steps of habit building, we wanted to make something that was easily repeatable in a time frame that is both highly manageable and also provides real results. Yeah. So, um, the truth is that there’s no magic formula for, how long it takes to build a new habit. Yeah. Yeah. There’s been different lengths of time. Right. And there’s the old adage that 21 days people, you know, many people have heard or think that, um, there was a Harvard study that said it took 66 days. Yeah. But I think most experts have kinda come down now and said that it’s just simply not that simple that it’s 100% dependent on what the habit is and who you are. And in the person that’s trying to build the habit.

04:30 So we chose 30 days because it’s a very familiar time block for everybody. You don’t have to, can package it nicely. Yes. You don’t have to think about one month too hard. You, you, you know, everybody understands that and actually it, you know, from our own lives and other people, people have gotten good results with this 30 days. And the idea is with our system that you’re going to build one habit, it’s repeatable. So you’re going to incrementally do it again in the next 30 days. Right. You could. And so the system itself and the framework is what is important. And then you can really just use it for whatever, tailor it to your own needs. Yeah. And it, and do it again and again and again. Any time that you want to incorporate a new habit into your life, replace a habit that doesn’t serve you, you know, you can use this strategy. And um, you know, so w I, I don’t know, I think it’s pretty, it’s pretty cool.

05:29 It’s pretty exciting. So again, it’s going to be a two part, podcast here. We’re going to share more about our system. We’re going to hopefully get you excited about how you can incorporate habits into your own life and the next week cliffhanger time, we’re going to tell you how you can join us in January for the best new year’s resolution challenge group and how you can be a part of that. And so while we know you don’t necessarily have to wait until the new year to start building the habits of a happier, longer life, you know, that whole new year, new decade, um, it’s definitely, uh, a perfect time for us. Yeah. It’s just, it’s that it gives you a nice incentive. Yeah. And we’re gonna we’re gonna make it worthwhile. Yep. For sure. So stay tuned. Tune in next week to learn all about how you can get involved.

06:20 So this week I want to hit on some of the why’s about, uh, folk, why we focus on building habits and not setting goals. And I want to break down kind of what’s included and how that’s incorporated into our 30 day ultimate habit building system. It’s kind of pre homework actually for the 30 day system and you, you, because you need to understand, first of all, why it’s important to focus on habits and you need to recognize habits that you do already. And then you also need to decide on what habits you want to focus on when you’re trying to make a positive change in your life. And we’re going to talk a bit a little bit more about that, about how, who that is and what that looks like in terms of choosing habits and the difference between just changing behavior and actually internalizing an identity change. Yeah.

07:15 So one of the things that, uh, we focused on a couple of times here on our podcast is both atomic habits, the book Atomic Habits by James clear and The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. They share something in terms of the, the ideas behind them and that is in that compounding effect of habits. Um, James clear says that if you get 1% better each day over the next year, you’ll be 30 times better by the time you’re done. Yeah. And applies to all goals, whether it’s losing weight, winning your race, starting a business, small habits can compound over time. And it’s those habits that are really the compound interest of self-improvement. Yeah. Which is basically exactly the same theory that the compound effect says, which is that making small smart decisions incrementally is what those that may seem insignificant at the time in the moment, but it’s the people that stick to those over time that get the biggest results, the most successful results. And so it’s really, again, all about consistently what you consistently do in your life will be what defines your life in the end.

08:39 And so it’s the, the quote actually says, success is the product of daily habits, not once in a lifetime transformation, but be aware that the outcomes will lag behind your habits. For example, your wealth is a lagging measure of your savings habits. So it’s, you got to be, and James clear says this, you’ve got to fall in love with the system. Yeah. You’ve got to fall in love with the idea of building habits because ultimately that’s what’s going to change your life. Yeah. You have to keep doing them to get the long term results, you have to, you have to have the consistency. So, uh, in fact, James clear says, and in atomic habits, he says that winners and losers have the same goal. Yeah. Right. So sadly, that’s the truth of the matter, right? And it’s typically the winners who have that, that keep putting in the work over time.

09:35 Actually achieving a goal is only a momentary change. So that’s not what we really ultimately want. We don’t want to, you know, just win the race and then stop running. We want to, it’s nice to have a goal, but it should be, you know, a continuous goal that it’s not just like a one and done. Yeah, exactly. And you know, and it also, there’s some third thing that they, that goals are kind of at odds with long term process, right. So many times people will train really hard case in point for a half marathon say yeah. And then they don’t run anymore. And then they stopped running right after, you know, I can, I’m just laughing because, well, Angela still runs. Not to the same extent. When we did our half marathon, I like, we were training all the time and yeah.

10:29 So we ran, we did the half marathon of February and then I did another one, I think in August. Yeah. So I did do another one straight away, but I didn’t train for the second one as, well as that it for the first and then it just came, it tailed off. And now I don’t have any running goals, so now I just run not to the same level. I mean still run it, but you’re still run. Yeah. But that’s the whole point is that you’ve developed the habit of running and now you know, you can say you are a runner. Right. So, and, and I think that if you and I, again building that habit of, I’ve talked about it over the last few weeks, mine has been to incorporate not so much necessarily becoming a runner, but I wanted to reincorporate the, the activity into my life on a daily basis before I go to work.

11:25 And, and that includes for me running on a treadmill. So it’s who I want to be is somebody that exercises first thing in the morning. Yeah. Because I know my, it’s just, it’s the right. That’s what works for you. Yeah. Yeah. So, which is the bottom line. You have to figure it out what works for you. You do. And so the idea that you need to figure out kind of what that goal is and who it is that you’re trying to become, and then build habits. Because the bottom line is that we’re constantly, our brains are basically looking for confirmation of what we’re trying to become. Right. And the actual just, you don’t have to like stress out about it. It’s just simply the repeated action reaffirms for you who your identity, you know, who you’re becoming. Yeah.

12:18 And that’s important because honestly, you know, you can think about outcomes being what you get. Processes are about what you do and identity is about what you believe. And the bottom line is that true change. True behavior change doesn’t happen if we don’t change our identity. Right. You can. And that’s kind of that whole will power. Grit your teeth, you know? Yeah. You can do all of that and change some actions. You can change negative habits that way by, you know, really just white knuckling it. Right. Um, but if you don’t change the identity of who you truly believe that that change is not going to stick. Many people don’t consider identity change when they set out to improve something. Right. They just think, so we’re start talking about the new years and there will be thousands of thousands upon thousands of people who are focused on their diet. Right. Coming out of the holidays. Yeah. Lord knows I’ve been one of those people who set out on a new year’s resolution for diets in the past.

13:29 Um, but a lot of times people will just think, I want to be skinny, which is the outcome. Um, and if I stick to this diet, then I will be skinny, which is the process. And they don’t really internalize that identity change, which is, you know, I want to be a healthier yeah. Someone who has better eating habits. Right? Exactly. So you want to set goals and determine actions that are in line with the beliefs of somebody that is successfully doing it. And that’s just how they see themselves. Right, exactly. Right. Because if you don’t, you’re kind of, your old identity can sabotage your plans for, you know, to the new one. Yeah.

14:09 So the part of your identity is formed, like we said, through evidence. Don’t get too wrapped up in, well I don’t really feel like a runner yet or I don’t feel like a skinny person. Right. I don’t feel like a healthy person because, because you’re not the first minute that you do it if it’s something new. You’re not. So you have to, right. But you have to have think. Yeah. And you have to believe in, you have to think yourself to yourself. Exactly. I need to take the actions that somebody that, that by taking the action consistently, your brain will start to make that leap. So when you’re trying believe new things about yourself, it’s important to understand that first of all, your brain’s not going to be there, isn’t going to, you know, get there yet. And you’ve got to take the actions to help you bridge that thought and bridge from your old beliefs to your new beliefs.

15:05 So really part of the whole process of our 30-day ultimate habit building system. Like I said, kind of the pre homework. The first part of that is really deciding what type of person you know, what, what you want to focus on and what you want to be. And it doesn’t have to be, I’m not saying that identity has to be some monumental different monumentally different thing. It’s just as simple, but you need to focus on and decide upon one area because a lot of times what people want to do is they want to change it all. Yeah. Transform their whole life. Right. Overnight and you know, feel better, right? Yeah. I mean ultimately that’s what we’re all, we want to feel happier. We want to live longer, right? So we need to kind of dial that back and we really want to focus on one specific habit that we’re going to change first.

16:00 I like doing it this way because when you start to add in all sorts of different layers, then all of a sudden, it’s, you’re not tracking it. You’re not keeping, you know, it’s just gets muddled. So, and because we want to be able to prove it to ourselves, we want to have those small wins that reinforce the identity. And so it’s really important to keep that narrow and focused and set yourself up for success. Yes, absolutely. That’s the whole idea is to keep yourself, to set yourself up for success. And it’s, it’s important to remember that these habits are not about having something there about becoming someone. Right.

16:44 So, um, so that’s the first part of the process. The first part of the process is figuring out what that habit is that you want to build, who you’re trying to become in terms of, you know, really internalizing the identity of someone who incorporates that habit into their life. And you need to, and we actually have worksheets for this, kind of figure out the why for you. Your what, what Darren Hardy, who is our, the author of compound effect. He calls it your why power. And for most of us, that’s the why power is that, you know, the, the real reason behind anything, right?

17:29 So most of us wouldn’t walk a plank between two high rise buildings for $20. Right. Yeah. I wouldn’t, you wouldn’t, I wouldn’t know. But, uh, he says that if your child was on the opposite building and that building was on fire, you know. You would walk the plank. You wouldn’t even think twice, right. You’d walk the plank. So it’s that kind of why power, figuring out the real motivators in your life that will help you again, create true change to, to walk the plank, to walk, to play. Yeah. Just doesn’t have to be quite that grave. It’s quite! You know? Right. It might not be that stressful nor that hard. It actually, you know, honestly, a lot of the time it isn’t. No, it’s pretty fun, you know, and when you break down habits, the way that we’re doing it, um, in this system with, uh, and, and really taking it down to these small successes, it’s really pretty fun.

18:31 You know, because if you celebrate in those small successes, it builds on itself and then you feel better and you go, Oh, okay. You know? Okay. Definitely I am person that does, you know I am quite, I see that I am. So um, so that is super important. And again, kind of what that pre homework does, we figure out the what the why and then and the who we are becoming.

18:57 So we’ve dialed in one specific habit and we are ready to take action to build that habit. So our system provides two important tools for taking the action and we call them the two pillars of the 30 day ultimate habit building system. This week I’m going to share pillar number one and guess what next week pillar number two. That’s right. So yes, and as mentioned we are going to share also the details of our 30 day ultimate habit building systems January challenge that you can be a part of.

19:30 But first pillar, the first pillar is basically what I call training your brain. All right. So we understand that we’re going to focus on true identity change. We’ve got a why and we are ready to go and change our actions. And the first thing that happens when you, you set forth and you’re, you’re really trying to do something new and you’re asking your brain, as we just talked about to believe something new, right? Will, that primitive brain of yours starts to get really concerned about this isn’t what I normally do. No, and I like to stay safe. I like to stay a pain-free. I like to stay, you know, I like to seek rewards, uh, pleasure. I’m not really interested in the future at all. My main goal of the my primitive brain is to just keep things status quo. Cause you know, I understand everything here and it’s comfortable.

20:34 It’s very comfortable. So you will get resistance and you will be surprised. I think I still get quite tickled because every morning my alarm goes off five 30 and the very first thing my brain says is, Oh no, not, not now. Nope. We’re not getting up right now. You can do this later. Uh, it’s warm in my bed. It’s comfortable here. And the devil in your shoulders going snooze. Right? Exactly. Well, the devil on your shoulders is that, you know, is that impulse brain right? Is the, is the little primitive brain who, who likes to keep things that that just is concerned with our immediate comfort and safety and pleasure. I know that my logical executive function of my brain has goals, has, has ideas, has, understands that for my best health over time I need to incorporate movement into my daily activities. And for me it’s the best time.

21:44 Time is in the morning. Yeah. So but, but like clockwork, even though I’ve, I’m establishing this habit, my, my brain wants to throw out reasons, excuses, ideas on why it’s a bad decision, right. Brain training and managing your mind is something that I have become very in tune with this past year because I really didn’t like think about it that much and most of us don’t. We run around, we, they uh, in terms of self-coaching model and, and the brain training, Brooke Castillo, who is the person, the, the person that created the self-coaching model. And the thing that we base this ours on as well, she says that most of us are running around with our brains like toddlers with knives. You know, we don’t just, we’re just letting them run haywire. And we think that just because our brain has one thought that it’s, we might just necessarily without, without a lot of observation or you know, judgment we just accepted it as true.

23:00 Right. We don’t even question it. You just roll with it. Yeah. And if you really sit back and take a moment and use that, that power of your executive function and see, Oh, you know, just because that’s coming up in my mind that that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s a good thing. No, and it’s not true and it doesn’t actually align with what I want. And so part of creating true change is being able to create new thoughts and manage your mind and actually understand that in the process of this habit building, you’re going to come up with a lot of reasons why it’s a bad idea and you need to override that by choosing different thoughts and understanding that that has been something that has been literally life changing for me. That whole notion that the feelings that I have are directly created by the thoughts that I, that I think and that the actions that I take are usually the result of the feelings that I have and the, the actions, the results that I’m getting again are due to the actions that I take that come from the feelings that I have that are generated by the thoughts and that I can actually change those thoughts to create different feelings and get different actions and get different results has just like blown my mind.

24:32 It’s been and that’s a part of what we focus on in the 30 day ultimate habit building system because you have to be able to create the thoughts that get you taking the actions that you want to take. We will be back next week and as always we appreciate you’re listening. Look for all the links in the show notes and we’ll see you next week.

24:58 Thanks for listening to the live happier, longer podcast. Now it’s time to move, learn, share, give, and let go. Five daily habits to make the rest of your life the best of your life. See you next week.

25:15 We’re so happy to have you here and hope you’re enjoying our podcast. If you haven’t done it already, we hope you’ll hit the subscribe button and if you can even take a minute and leave us a review, that would be fantastic. Plus we would love for you to follow us on all of our social media where you can find us @thehabitmindset on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest. And one more thing before you go. If you would like a free copy of the habit mindset poster, just send us a quick note to info@fiveforlife.co. that’s info@fiveforlife.co. Put the subject line free poster and you’ll get yours today. See you next week.